The internet is beginning to reflect more and more the social hierarchy of society.

You will always find the naive beginner on Facebook or social media who we geeks call a newbie. The newbie likes everything on every platform until it all comes back to haunt them in the form of a zillion Candy Crush invites. They then grow up and start the serious unfriending process. I call this “digital rightsizing”; get the right group of friends that you talk to, who listen and speak back with some respect to you. To the newbie, Candy Crush is a great game that has the annoying habit of invading friend lists and inviting you to play it. What other online “bies” are there?

I add the wannabie to this group. Wannabies is a desperate social climber who follows and latches onto public figures or groups they want to suck up to. This breed of parasites like everything the target- and only what the target says- regardless of the content. This is a form of digital worship. Look through your friends’ list and watch as they like everything the target says and even ignores a friendly post that you made about them! The wannabie is distinct from the internet stalker, a serious topic which we will talk about at a later stage.

Another group, the freebies, spreads across the internet inviting, accepting friends and contacts but only do so to build a mailing list. They leverage – although I prefer the term peddle – this freebie mailing list for their professional careers. They completely ignore your posts yet suddenly, in the friendliest way possible, will inbox you to support their public campaign to generate enough likes to become Mr or Mrs something. Translation: I accept your request, just in case, I need you. Until then, I will ignore your digital presence. My reaction? F(ace) Off. These are the politicians of the net.

There is yet another pleasurable strata of society that I call clickabie. They just like everything and everyone. It is easy to distinguish these folk from the wannabie. These clickabies are clickoholics who are the grandmas and grandpas of our walls. Ever so sweet and always encouraging they click because they care. We need them because they are our omnipresent moral compasses who prevent us from online fornicating.

Yet another group will do anything to get to the magical 5000 friends. They need-to- be important. Grandiose is everything to them. One South African leader had the propensity to insult the people after he had reached 5000 declaring, “see if I care, I have reached the number unfollow me if you want.” So I did and it felt good. It was excellent therapy. I am so happy not reading his self-indulgent drivel.

Mine is too, you say? I concede this may be although I submit it has an academic veneer. Just to bielittle me I disconsolately point this is not regarded as output by my University.

While I am in the mood I am going to go through and unfriend a few wannabies, freebies and every-other-‘bie’ that I don’t care about. Try this, it is good therapy better than beer or even Myprodol. Shout “There!” as you do it!

I implore you to back up your photos – use Google or Flikr to do this. You can create everything else if your machine dies, but never, ever your photos. There is also the simple beauty of posting – you have an online copy! Please give the newbie a chance – you were there once. To instill discipline send them a Candy Crush invite.

Won’t you send me a friend request – I too am trying to get to 5000 friends, only just as a research exercise; you do understand?

Surf well and surf safely.

– Dr Colin Thakur, is the DUT e-Skills CoLab Director. His demystifies the joy and idiosyncrasy of technology through fun and irreverence.